How to Work With Your Partner to Decide What to Build
Take these steps to sync up on priorities and design your dream home together!
While the prospect of building a custom home alongside your partner is undoubtedly exciting, it can also come with stress and uncertainty. For many, the process demands even more communication and prioritizing than purchasing an existing home does. Instead of agreeing on set criteria and viewing houses you either say “yes” or “no” to - and dealing with a tiny pool of available homes - you’re left with countless decisions to make when you go the custom route.
Deciding on each room and getting a say over home details are what make custom building appealing: the freedom to build what you truly want and need. It’s also overwhelming in the sheer amount of choice! Fortunately, following a few key steps will help to keep the compromises smooth, and will ultimately lead you to the custom home you’ll both love for years to come.
1. Make separate lists
In all the excitement of your decision to build a home together, it’s easy to get carried away by the “yes” train. Of course every relationship and every person differs in personality, but it’s common for one person to naturally go along with what others want without truly considering their own preferences.
To avoid any unpleasant realizations down the line, start the process by sitting down to make separate lists of qualities your dream home would have. These aspects might be anything from overall style, specific rooms, appliance details, and design choices. Whatever comes to mind when you hear the words “dream home,” write it all down! Documenting your original thoughts and wishes will help you stay on track and compromise fairly throughout the process.
2. Compare lists to determine shared priorities
Once you’ve each got the details of your dream home in writing, it’s time to compare your lists. Maybe there’s lots of overlap - and that’s great! But if not, don’t panic. Even within the same household, it’s common to have different must-haves and to focus on varying aspects of the house. Maybe you’re all about having a large, open, updated kitchen, but your partner would go to the ends of the Earth for an outdoor pool you could do without. That’s ok!
The point of the process - and of opting to build a custom Atmos home - is to compromise in a way that feels doable for you both, and still leaves you feeling like you’ve landed your dream house. At this stage, if you’re a visual processor and all the moving parts feel overwhelming, try organizing your lists using a Venn diagram. The things you’re aligned on go in the middle, and the remainder of each circle will be filled with the aspects where you differ.
3. Be honest about budget
From your shared priorities and your financial situation, sketch out a rough budget and figure out what you’re working with. Though there are lots of moving parts that impact budget throughout the custom homebuilding process, you should have a ballpark estimate based on your lot, your square footage, and the broader details of your home.
Maybe the size and overall layout of your home typically cost less than you’ve budgeted for, so you can explore unique add-ons, upgraded design options, or outdoor additions like a built-in fireplace. Maybe you’re cutting it close and need to cut back on a few “nice to haves.” Now is the perfect time for you and your partner to hash out those details and stay within budget, without sacrificing what makes your future home so special and unique to you.
4. Decide on your most important room or space
Now that you have a clear view of where you and your partner align and where you’ll need to compromise, it’s time to decide which room is most important to each of you. Is the home gym a must-have for one of you? A decked-out laundry room? A doggy spa? The home office? Choose the room that simply must turn out the way you’ve envisioned it in order for you to be content in your new home. Be sure each of you gets final, overall say over at least one room or key space in the house.
From there, depending on the amount of overlap you originally had, you can continue to each own decisions for specific rooms, or you can begin drilling down to specific details of the remaining spaces together. For example, if neither of you chose the living area for your top priority room, but you each had an idea for the design or qualities of it, talk through those ideas in depth. If you disagree, talk through the reasons behind your initial idea, and see if you can’t sync up on a plan that would meet both of your core needs.
Our homes hold immeasurable importance and a deep sense of intimacy, as they revolve around our needs, priorities, and lifestyles. Building together opens up lines of communication around details you might never have talked about before! Above all, trust the process, trust each other, and enjoy each step of your journey toward your dream home.
Ready to custom build, but not sure where to start? Project managers at Atmos are here to help you through every step of the process, from financing to moving into your new Atmos home. Get started today!
