Marriage or Mortgage: What the Decision Says About Society, Economics, and You
The hit TV series sheds light on shifts and new realities in U.S. lifestyles. Which would you choose?
Sitcoms and popular American movies suggest a reality in which the vast majority of people graduate college, get a job, get married, buy a house, and start a family. Easy breezy.
However, the harsh truth is that many of those options remain unavailable for a large portion of U.S. families. A new Netflix show, Marriage or Mortgage, adopts a lighthearted angle toward a rather heartbreaking truth: for most couples, there’s a forced decision between having a wedding and buying a home.
So, what does the mere existence of this decision (and this show) say about current society and economics? And what does the choice reveal about the couples making it?
Societal Shifts
In the past few generations, family timelines have seen drastic shifts. The median age of first-time homebuyers hit a record high of 33 in 2019. Debts - especially student loans - have kept couples from saving large portions of their paychecks for investments like down payments or weddings.
Although many couples wish to “feel settled” in a home before beginning to have children, the timing for beginning to have children has been delayed drastically in the last few decades. In 1972, the average age of first-time mothers and fathers were 21 and 27, respectively. Now, those average ages have jumped to 26 and 31. That change, brought on by constantly-evolving career choices for women, growing appreciation for travel, and more common transient lifestyles, also means homebuying is often delayed.
Economic Reality
In short, weddings and homes have both gotten much more expensive in the last decade or so. In 2007, the average wedding cost $16,000. In 2019, that price more than doubled, skyrocketing to $33,900 on average. That hike comes down to a variety of changing factors, but one expensive trend is the shift toward more personalization. Signature menus and drink offerings, live music, and custom ceremonies - along with larger guest lists - all add up quickly.
And then there’s the issue of home buying in today’s market - woof. In many downtown areas, competition has scaled to terrifying stakes, with many bidding wars ending in waived inspections, cash offers, and $100K over asking price. While today’s interest rates mean homebuying budgets feel more flexible, the supply and demand equation is simply not in buyers’ favor right now.
Many hopeful homeowners now turn their budgets to homebuilding instead of participating in the competitive, risky market for a preowned home. That way, the compromises fall within your control, and the budget can remain firm instead of flexing to beat out the competition. Plus, just like the customization trend in the wedding industry suggests, these transactions are highly personal. People want homes that truly fit their personalities and lifestyles.
What Does the Choice Say About You?
As anyone who’s watched the hit show - or had to make this decision themselves - might tell you, the decision proves to be anything but straightforward.
External factors: For some, the choice comes down to the nature of the external players and pressures in their lives. There’s an undeniable, deeply-underlying competitiveness inherent in weddings now, especially with the popularization of wedding hashtags and the push to make a couple’s big day picture-perfect by guests’ standards. Much of the time, the expectations of family and friends push couples toward big weddings.
Personal background: Upbringing relating to life’s big milestones plays an important role here, too: while some people find the financial payoff of a down payment to be a no-brainer, others grow up imagining their wedding day from extremely young ages. For many, the emotional ties relating to marriage and the concept of home are entirely contingent upon what their family life looked like growing up. Whether their parents divorced, whether their family moved frequently, and the way parents discussed money all affect couples’ priorities down the line.
Perceptions of time: From the mortgage pickers, the logic generally focuses around the promises of a home’s appreciation over the years. Buying a home is one of the most powerful pathways for wealth building in America, and although the supply may catch up to the demand in the next few years, home values still present promising returns on investment. By some logic, buying a home today and cashing in on the appreciation in a few years might pay for that wedding down the line, too. Two birds with one stone, in some sense.
Others opt for the present gratification of a wedding because they suspect that putting it off in favor of a down payment might mean they never get the wedding of their dreams. It’s easy to say that a city hall ceremony is just a hold-over until a large wedding is “in the cards,” but in reality, getting the money together for a wedding will never feel easy. Some couples take advantage of their savings to make sure they get that special day, just the way they’ve pictured it all their lives.
Emotional elements: Neither a wedding nor a home purchase is a solely logical endeavor. Emotional considerations like aging parents or family members, the desire to start having children, or long-built-up anticipation can each be the detail that tips the scale in a wedding’s favor.
However, especially since the beginning of the pandemic, the idea and reality of home has grown increasingly emotional and urgent. A sense of security, a space to feel sheltered from the world, and a place to sustain ourselves and our families - everything a home has always stood for suddenly spiked in importance and immediacy. Plus, while weddings often bend to please the guest list, a home - especially a custom home - can stay true to the personality and priorities of the people buying it. Self-expression, lifestyle needs, and family planning all intersect with the purchase or build of the right home.
If you and your partner are ready to build a custom home that meets all your needs, Atmos is your new best friend. With smooth processes, trusted experts, and guidance every step of the way, building your Atmos home is just a few clicks away.
